I had a lot of plans for the day Lila was born. I had a sign to hang on the wall with her name on it. A cute going home from the hospital outfit. The perfect picture idea to post to Facebook. I thought I was ready.
I couldn’t sleep the night before and wrote my first “Letter to Lila.”
December 12, 2011
Today we will meet you after more of than two years of praying that you would find us. From the moment I found out you were growing in my belly, I knew you were special and would change our lives forever. You are already so blessed with so many people who love you, especially a Daddy who will support, protect and encourage you every day of your life. If I could give you one piece of advice on this day before your birth, it would be to trust that everything happens for a reason. It’s something your perfectionist Momma struggles with, but I am still learning every day. And always look for the best in people. Besides, I already know you are the best of me and we haven’t even met yet. Thank you for already changing our lives sweet little girl.
And then, as life often does, we were thrown a curve ball. If you haven’t read our story, you can go back to The Day we Met Our Little Girl. It felt like, for several days, weeks, even a few months, the clock stopped. I remember sitting in that hospital bed feeling like many people didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Some stayed away all together. No one meant to separate themselves, but that’s what it felt like on our end in some cases. They were afraid of the awkward, of the unknown, of the possibility of hurting feelings with the wrong words. I remember walking down the hallway the night before we left the hospital, seeing other visitors go in and out with flowers and gifts and signs and champagne, and I felt cheated. Sad. Jealous.
But over the last three years, what I’ve realized is we were partly responsible for cheating ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, we were happy to meet our baby girl. We showered her with kisses and snuggled her every chance we got, but there was also a fear that hung over us for those first days, weeks, even first few months. What we didn’t do, is CELEBRATE. We had waited for YEARS to meet this baby, and she had finally arrived. Who cares if hardly anyone sent flowers or if some people didn’t come. SHE was there and that’s all that should have mattered. Because look at this FACE…
So today, this time, we will celebrate. Even if something doesn’t go as planned, which we know is possible, we will celebrate. If we are scared, we will celebrate. If we feel alone, we will celebrate. There will be champagne, and signs and flowers. But even if there isn’t, we will celebrate. And if you want to come to the party, everyone is invited.
Boy, do you have an amazing big sister waiting to meet you. All I want to tell you, is get ready to celebrate.