I believe in reincarnation…

Standard

I do. Not of people, though… of moments. Today, I had a discussion with the me of four years ago. This me, plus about three hours.

hospitallila

The “your baby might have Down syndrome” me. The “Welcome to Holland” whether you like it or not resident. The girl who thought her fairy tale was over. I know, it sounds harsh. And it felt that way, too. And I saw that me again today as I sat with a new mom who had just heard these words for the first time. And I remembered the fear, the anger, the  sadness.

So what do you say to yourself, four years later? You tell the truth. You say, I know you are freaking out right now. And that’s OK. I know that you feel like everyone is staring at you, waiting for you to react, and they might be. I know you want to crawl under the bed and hide and yell at everyone that comes in the door at the same time. I know you feel like it will never be the same.

And you are right.

417433_316430045076148_106014822784339_1008964_1424863432_n

But not in the way you think. Somehow, your heart is forced to expand to hold all of this love and fear and anger. And slowly, the scary parts fade away. And all that’s left is the extra room for the joy you have yet to know.

I’m not saying some parts won’t be hard. They will. You don’t find all the answers. No one does. But you will find that this bend in the road brings you right back to the place you were always meant to be. Sitting across the hospital room. Starting at yourself. Seeing the same tears slowly gather in her eyes. The smile that isn’t quick enough to come. And you will tell her to celebrate. Because you never get this moment back.

And then you will go home and rock your own little world changer, and listen to her practice her ABC’s and grab your hand to hold.

It will all be ok, you’ll say. In fact, it will be much, much better.

12316666_10208585407259766_4002593854499217877_n

 

Advertisements

5 responses »

  1. Latricia, You have a Beautiful Heart and other will see Gods Love because God choose you to be Lila’s Mother! What an Honor to be in that position, The Highest position you will ever hold! The Highest Honor you will ever receive! Given to you by The Heavenly Father above! It is an Honor to me, to call you Friend and to see you Honor God by helping others who have not yet seen the Honor that has been placed in their lives. I know you have made God happy with the Love you have given Lila and others!

  2. I was just asking one of the nurses at women’s east today about you and your family. I will never forgot the moment we talked to you and your husband about Lila and Down syndrome. I know that when news like that is delivered that it will rock that families world. But after meeting you two, I remember thinking, they are going be good, good parents for Lila. She is a beauty in pictures and without a doubt, more beautiful inside and out in real life. A big thank you for your wisdom, experience, and encouragement that you have given to other families in similar situations.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s