Having three kids is hard.
When two of them have special needs, it can be harder.
There, I said it. My life is full of rainbows and windmills and milestones, and I will celebrate them from the rooftops. But sometimes, the bitterness gets the best of me.
When I’m exhausted and snippy and at the end of my rope. When my 40-hour a week job takes too much and I feel guilty I can’t spend more time with my family. When I get frustrated with my super loveable kids and think, “I don’t know if I could survive as a stay-at-home mom.” When every road feels like it leads to a failure.
When I feel like the logistics of having three children is harder than actually raising said children. When figuring out who is going to drive what car is a morning puzzle, because we only have one that fits all three littles.
When we are relying on 5 different people to fill up a full week of at-home childcare because keeping a baby with Down syndrome out of daycare for the first year can really help their sometimes-weakend immune systems. And when one piece of that puzzle gets lost, the whole thing seems to fall apart.
When we face behavior issues with our 6 year old with DS (what happened?? She used to be such a compliant 4-year-old 😢😢), and our typical son is acting like a raging three-nager. When I have to call the insurance company for the 15 thousandth time for our NICU bill for our 5-month-old with Down syndrome.
(But gosh darn, isn’t he cute?!?!)
When I can’t even have a cocktail because I’m on the Whole 30, trying to lose third baby weight (who thought THAT was a good idea??).
That is me today. I am defeated, I am tired, and I am not in the mood to celebrate.
And then, I see notifications start popping up on my Facebook app. You see, earlier this morning I posted a video of my oldest, Lila, practicing a silly song we made up to help her introduce herself to new friends when she starts school next week.
Like many kids with DS, she has a speech delay and that can sometimes mean it’s takes other kids a little longer to get to know her.
All of a sudden, videos started popping up from friends. Their kids wanted to say hi to Lila too!
Some of these people I have never even met in person, mind you. They are a friend of a friend whose photography I liked so I sent her a friend request a few years ago.
A high school friend I haven’t seen in years. A friend from Lila’s class last year who missed playing with her over the summer.
And I realize, THIS is why I share our story. From the first steps to the time someone pooped in the bathtub (yup Moms, we’ve all been there), people from all across the country feel like they know my girl (and now her little brother) because our lives are an open book. And if that means that those sweet friends who wanted to make Lila a video, go up to the kid in their new class who may also have a different ability this school year, then it all makes sense. My girl will have made a difference.
From our front porch swing with her little piggy-tails, she is changing the conversation. And that, my friends, is worth celebrating. Even on the hardest days.
Letters to Lila, Lawson, and Avett 
I have the utmost admiration and respect for you. You give the rest of us moms dealing with our own children born with birth defects hope. It is so good to know that I am not the only one who has the joys and frustrations that you do. Your kids have already made a tremendous impact on the world and will continue to do so for many years to come. I am a huge fan and watch you every night on the news. Please keep your chin up and know their are a lot of us out here cheering you on!!
Thank you Angela, you’re so sweet! It’s amaxing this little club of support we have as special Mommas!
Our children are the reason we laugh smile, cry and get out of bed every morning. You are raising three strong, independent, loving children. You are two of the most amazing parents I have ever known and I respect you for the love you show for each other and for each of your children. Childhood is a short season but the day to day grind can be overwhelming. I wish I had asked for help and involved more people in those early years. As for the Whole 30, I’ve done it and it was worth it but it is one big task and that glass of wine after 30 days will be so worth it!
I love this! Thanks so much for sharing.